No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
