My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
