Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize