White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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