piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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