the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
