i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize