He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
