I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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