I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
