white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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