I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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