yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you win again, gameday.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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