therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
