my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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