He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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