you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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