I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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