You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
