I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
