A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
