Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize