Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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