I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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