My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
