We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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