yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend