I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard