talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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