I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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