Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?