Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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