Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
