in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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