Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
