Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
