it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
