covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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