and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
