what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
