You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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