the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
