you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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