No awkward lesbian experiences without me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
