He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
