I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
