My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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