then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
