she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
