Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
