I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
