New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
