dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
