He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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