Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
