I hate all girls vehemently.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
