Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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