I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dicks are not precious.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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