does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
