apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
