Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
