its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
