I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
