Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
