I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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