sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
