We won't sleep together?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
