You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wear drunk well.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
