im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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