I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
