Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
