I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
