lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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