He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
