Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
