Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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