Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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