I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
