My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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