I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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